My new position as Dean of Students/Teacher has drastically changed both my responsibilities and what my day looks like. The juggling act that is my new professional existence is physically, mentally, and emotionally packed, but it's allowing me to do exactly what I've wanted to do for two years; while having the chance to build a school-wide culture of achievement at the administrative level, I also have the unique chance to continue to find ways to enhance student learning at the classroom level.
But, it's hard. I've never been as professionally self-conscious as I've been over these first two weeks in my new role. There are two reoccurring situations and thoughts I have been experiencing constantly since school started that challenge my confidence in my abilities to perform, but rather than allow my own insecurity to interfere with my capacity to lead, I've embraced it as a motivator and used it as a reminder of the steps I know I have to take to succeed and impact the school positively. This self-doubt could overcome me, but I choose to spend my time and energy reflecting on the remedy rather than the problem. Do I have it all figured out? No. But, I figure the concerns and paranoia I've experienced two weeks in can't be unique, and maybe what I do to overcome them will help someone in a situation similar to mine.
It's the end of day where I didn't sit down or eat lunch, and my "to do" list I made at 6:30 this morning has nothing checked off...
I try not to dwell on the outstanding tasks on my list and spend more time on the professional relationships I need to build in my new position; the paperwork and things I need to "get done" can be finished anytime, but the students and staff are only in school for a fixed block of time each day. If I fancy myself as a leader of people, then that's where my priorities must lie. I focus on being a resource to as many people in the building that I can, and I figure the rest will take care of itself. I've been capitalizing on many apps and digital tools to improve my efficiency and organization with administrative tasks, but that can be saved for a different post.
I was a full-time teacher here; I know there are staff members who talk about administration all the time. Surely they are talking about me and my decisions...
People are inevitably going to talk about what I do and how I perform in my new role, and instead of being a slave to my own insecurity, I use it to make sure I'm always in an optimal position to make the right decision and be in the right place at the right time. I use that self-consciousness to pull myself away from the office and walk the halls to interact with students and staff. I listen to people, because I figure that if I let them know that I'm listening then maybe they won't need to find another audience in less constructive environments. If I'm going to be a topic of conversation then I might as well make sure people are talking about me for the right reasons. I welcome anybody talking about my work ethic, positive energy, or my genuine commitment to the learning that happens every day in and out of our schoolhouse. And, if they're not sold on me yet, I still have 38 weeks to get it done!
The bottom line is that my biggest takeaway from these first two weeks is that all I can do to alleviate my own insecurity is to lead by example, and model the elements of a culture of achievement I wish to see. Everything else is currently out of my hands.
